WHY ISN'T BACON A VEGETABLE?
Remember the old Woody Allen movie, "Sleeper," where he wakes up, wrapped in aluminum foil like a disheveled mummy, climbs from the pod and discovers that carrots are as bad for you as chocolate used to be, and now chocolate is a vegetable?
I loved that movie, and used to love Woody Allen too until I found out that he probably had a thing for teenage girls and various other unsavory things. But--as I recently cooked some smoked bacon from my expensive local market--I thought, "Damn! I wish this were a vegetable. Then I could get all of my fiber in one meal plus to-die-for flavor." I seriously question why God did not ordain this in Genesis, right after creating light and sky. And Adam later. Didn't he KNOW Adam would jones for bacon?
Having had my "brush" with cancer, (such a delicate word for such a humbling and invasive condition) and having read in the NY Times that fiber in larger amounts can improve your immune system, I had resolved to eat at least 6+ servings of fruits and vegetables per day. Just as a protection. But I have to say, that after food poisoning, this is not an easy task at all.
Here is my list of other things that I wish were classified either as veggies or fruit:
--popcorn slathered in butter and salt--
--a seared steak with smashed peppercorns in it, flamed in cognac--
--banana/nut muffins with substantial amounts of butter and sugar--
--hell, while we are at it, how about sugar and its awesome cousin, butter?
--a really good Malbec from Argentina or Chile--
--chicken soaked in buttermilk, dipped in panko, then fried--
--fish and chips served in newspaper with vinegar & salt, aka in Scotland--
I could go on. I just want eating to be joyful and not like some gym contest where I try to bench press more pounds than the person beside me. I'd like to bite into a juicy steak and not think, "Oh, God, the calories and the cholesterol in this!"
As we ease into the New Year with some very scary news flying about and the dangerous orange cheeto continuing to make so many lives and countries miserable, I am aiming for a modest enjoyment of food, with some healthy sides to quiet my conscience.
I loved that movie, and used to love Woody Allen too until I found out that he probably had a thing for teenage girls and various other unsavory things. But--as I recently cooked some smoked bacon from my expensive local market--I thought, "Damn! I wish this were a vegetable. Then I could get all of my fiber in one meal plus to-die-for flavor." I seriously question why God did not ordain this in Genesis, right after creating light and sky. And Adam later. Didn't he KNOW Adam would jones for bacon?
Having had my "brush" with cancer, (such a delicate word for such a humbling and invasive condition) and having read in the NY Times that fiber in larger amounts can improve your immune system, I had resolved to eat at least 6+ servings of fruits and vegetables per day. Just as a protection. But I have to say, that after food poisoning, this is not an easy task at all.
Here is my list of other things that I wish were classified either as veggies or fruit:
--popcorn slathered in butter and salt--
--a seared steak with smashed peppercorns in it, flamed in cognac--
--banana/nut muffins with substantial amounts of butter and sugar--
--hell, while we are at it, how about sugar and its awesome cousin, butter?
--a really good Malbec from Argentina or Chile--
--chicken soaked in buttermilk, dipped in panko, then fried--
--fish and chips served in newspaper with vinegar & salt, aka in Scotland--
I could go on. I just want eating to be joyful and not like some gym contest where I try to bench press more pounds than the person beside me. I'd like to bite into a juicy steak and not think, "Oh, God, the calories and the cholesterol in this!"
As we ease into the New Year with some very scary news flying about and the dangerous orange cheeto continuing to make so many lives and countries miserable, I am aiming for a modest enjoyment of food, with some healthy sides to quiet my conscience.
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