BROTHER ASS

     When St. Francis lay dying on the soil where he had asked to be placed, he asked forgiveness from "Brother Ass," his body, which he had pushed, used, flogged, and not cared for properly. Sad he had to wait until the age of 45 and impending death to realize he had not treated his soul container well. It is a lesson for us all.

  

  I thought of it today as I collapsed on the couch after 2 solid hours of cooking in our lovely kitchen, swiveling back and forth from counter to counter, slicing potatoes to make oven fries later, stirring up a "Secret Sauce" from Rachel Pauls' marvelous cookbook, mixing up ground turkey with chopped parsley and herbs, then patting it into small burgers and rolling in GF panko. 

Sheesh! It makes me exhausted just writing this down! One of the things I have learned from my Orthostatic Hypotension is to do things when I have the spoons, or energy. For me, that means mostly prepping dinner in the morning and putting it in the fridge to cook later when my spoons are low.

    But seeing as I am just coming out of a flare (those of us with Autonomic Nervous System disorders, ANS, get these when we have pushed our bodies too hard or been exposed to too many talky folks and events), I realized I had pushed my own "Brother Ass," or "Sister Ass" more than I should have. I had not treated her kindly. I had treated her as something to be used. something that I owned and had control over.

    One of the challenges of having a chronic illness or condition is learning how to manage it; how much is enough, how much is too much, when to stop, and when to stop babying yourself and push forward. Being a once "rushing around the room and kicking butt broad," I have found it hard to realize I can no longer live like that. I cannot go out to night time events. I can do two major things during a day--go to a Writers' Meeting (although that is iffy now for me), and make dinner. Or, visit with my younger son and help de-clutter our many books. Gardening for one hour ONLY, resting, then cooking dinner. You see how this goes? Why in f.ck has it taken me so long to figure this shit out? I am a slow and resistant learner.

    So I am going to figure out how to care better for my "Sister Ass." Remember to take breaks between things. Sit on couch and watch monkey videos from the Savannah Camp in Cambodia to de-stress.

Really. It is remarkable how watching those cute monkeys go about their lives is so relaxing. Except when the aggressive male monkeys wreak havoc. Call one person a day ONLY. Answer 3 emails, ONLY. Remember to hydrate a lot all day, and use IV powders to boost salt and enzymes intake. Stick to the low-FODMAP diet which actually helps me to function better. 

Sit on the deck, when able, and do Wim Hof's 15-min. breathing exercises to calm my buzzing mind. 

Do a small meditation visualizing holding the child you were in your arms and rocking that person, nurturing and loving that child you once were.

    That's my plan. What is yours? How do you take better care of Brother Ass so you don't collapse on your couch in a sweaty and almost crying heap? Can you recognize the things, people, and events in your life which fill you or deplete you? I am gonna make me a list. I suggest you do the same and hopefully save it somewhere so you can find it again. Anything crucial I save in my Notes on my iPhone, which does not get lost, praise God.