REALITY IS A BITCH!

 We all know the head-snapping moment when you find out that--you have cancer, your heart muscles are lagging, your kid has a chronic disease, your sister is Trans and is afraid of her red state, you immigrant neighbors have been hustled off to God knows where--you get it. I bet you have encountered at least one of these moments.

 

   I am of the old version, "Life wasn't supposed to be like this!" This involves a certain amount of self-pity (But I ate organic all those years! How could I have cancer?), shaking one's fist at either God or Fate, and bargaining so the outcome is better. I will donate money to The Survival Center the rest of my life. I will pick up stray turtles and carry them across the road to safety. I will never gossip about others again.  And so on.

  But here's the thing: we ALL are going to have to deal with the bitch that is Reality, and the question always is--How will we deal with it? Will we go upstairs and pull the covers over our heads? (I have done this.) Will we go to Murduff's Jewelry and buy some retail therapy? (I did this right after learning my abdominal surgery was going to be one week away. NOOOO!) Will we go into the kitchen and make mammoth amounts of chocolate chip cookies or Low-FODMAP Pumpkin Cheesecake? Doesn't that make sense to you?

 

 I am trying mightily not to make a list, as that seems to be my go-to method of doing my blog lately. I will just force it into paragraphs so you think I am not losing it up here on our high hill.

 I go to some of the Spiritual writers who have consoled me in the past. This would include first off, Thomas Merton, who wrote something to the effect that, "Nothing we can say about God will be better than the sound of the wind in the pine trees." I concur. 

I also go to Dietrich Bonhoeffer who gave his life in the camps so a man with many children could save his. He is the prime example of "servant leadership," something big with Pope Francis and our new wonderful Pope Leo the 17th. Dietrich reminds me that staying silent is not an option, that if you do not press back against injustices, you are part of acquiescence. 

My pushing back days are not super grand right now with my various health issues, but I can certainly give money to good causes, write letters, and call my reps, although in the great state of Massachusetts, my Senators and Reps are grand.

  When it looked as if I had a neuroendocrine tumor in my belly (Turns out it was not a mass at all, but simply an intestine turned slightly which gave the CAT scan the impression of a 3-4 cm. mass. Now ain't that a bitch! You have to be so damn careful with imaging results, and let this be a lesson to you: always get a second opinion and maybe a second imaging.), I prayed a lot, asked for prayers from my two churches, talked with Pastor Mark (God bless him!), talked with my close family, and cried a bit. 

Crying is good when reality slaps you in the face, although this aging broad cries rarely, maybe 3 times per year. Strange, eh? Also, dealing with reality involves serious time spent on Google searching out reliable websites to give you information about your conditions.

  I know many who say that thinking of others in more dire circumstances than yours can be a help in dealing with your situation. I have personally never found that works. Although--I have said to myself: "Annie girl, you are a white, cisgender woman of privilege with resources at your disposal, good health care, a caring community, a loving partner, and so much more." I have thought about darker-skinned people in our terrifying country right now being rounded up by ICE and send off to third-world countries. 

That does make my own reality-slap seem a bit less harsh. I am lucky, no doubt about it, and I am grateful. That could be another thing to try when reality gives you a head-slap, being grateful for what you do have.

  I basically find that leaning on the Everlasting Arms helps me more than almost anything. I started rereading "Touched By Angels" by Ellen Elias Freeman who kind of started the whole angel thing along with Sophie Burnham. I have never been seriously "into" angels before, and I have to say that I still take them at arm's length. When I tried praying to my Guardian Angel, assuming I have one, the name I came up with was "Tabitha," and I told my angel it was a fine cat's name. I assume angels have good senses of humor, because if you are dealing with we humans, you would have to have one.

 

  And let us not forget---yes, cooking! When I am down, which thank God is rare--getting into the kitchen soothes me. I arrange all of the ingredients on the counter for whatever I am making; draw up the recipe from Pinterest on my Ipad; and start cooking. I cannot think about my weird insides anymore, our crazy government, my worries about my family, and deep concerns about our climate.

 I am simply in the moment, thinking about melting butter for my GF chocolate cookies (soon to be made), measuring my Rice Flour and Tapioca flour, getting out my Ghiradelli chocolate chips (the best), and mixing my two kinds of sugar with my eggs and melted butter. In fact, I will include this recipe here with due acknowledgement of its author, Lauren Renlund, a Canadian registered dietician specializing in Low-FODMAP recipes. Bonne Appetit mes amis!

    Dry Ingredients:

--1/2 cup white rice flour

--3 tablespoons sweet rice flour

--3 tablespoons tapioca flour

--1/4 cup almond flour 

--1/2 cup white sugar

--1/2 cup brown sugar 

--1/2 tsp. xanthum gum to aid in cohesion.

--3/4 cup good chocolate chips

--1/2 tsp. baking soda

--1/4 tsp. salt 

    Wet Ingredients:

-8 tablespoons butter, softened or melted

--1 egg room temperature

--1 tsp. vanilla 

    To Make:

--melt butter in large bowl. With rotary beaters beat in sugar, egg, and vanilla.

2/ Add dry ingredients saving choc. chips until the end.

3/ Stir manually. Add chocolate chips.

4/ I put bowl, covered, in freezer for 20 minutes to harden.

5/ Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

6/ Put parchment paper on 3 baking sheets. I used a small automatic device to drop spoonfuls on baking sheets, but you could use two teaspoons.

7/ Flatten dough slightly with fingers, put in oven, and cook 10-11 min until golden on edges. Take out and rest for 5 min. before putting on cooling grids. 

These can be frozen and are simply delicious. If you are on a low-FODMAP diet, 2 of these would do you.