FROM #BLESSED TO #SCREWED

 

   Nadia Bolz-Weber, an amazing minister in the Evangelica Lutheran Church, has just had a frightening bout with breast cancer. As a progressive, funny, and illuminating Christian--who visits women in prison, writes books, and goes on lecture tours to red states--she was pottering along in her life 5 months back, on a lecture tour, and feeling that all was well. When, bam! Suddenly, she had the awful diagnosis of breast cancer, had to cancel her tour, and had other women theologians take over her Corners Substack posts.

 

  She wrote that we all can suddenly go from "# blessed to # screwed." As someone who ten years back had just come home from 4 days in hospital with two back-to-back cancer surgeries, I surely know what she is talking about. How we can be like protected children from happy families, going about our merry ways, thinking all was well and all WOULD be well. Well, that doesn't wash!  

   And, at the same time, I was reading a wonderful daily reflection from the powerful priest and theologian Henri Nouwen 

(and if you don't get  his reflections, why not? They are free and always put your feet under you on solid ground. Trust me.) He wrote that the cup of joy

 is also the cup of sorrow. 

Think on that for a moment. We don't just get to slide along skippy-dippy: having fine family gatherings, terrific reports from our (many, now) doctors, good career successes, wonderful friends who never, ever disappoint us, and kids who are always loving and present. Maybe you have that. If so, you belong to the .0000002% of humanity. 

  We simply do not get out of this life without knowing sorrow, loss, humiliation, embarrassment, shame, and grief. I wish it were easier, I truly do. I wish I had known when I flew off to England in the fall of 1971, thinking my Mom's lung cancer would take years before she died (being a 26 year-old optimistic and clueless young woman). that I had very little time left with her. In order to be aware of the "hashtag screwed" bit, we need to be aware and clear-eyed about what is coming down the road ahead. I surely was not.

 But how do we negotiate this twisty road of blessing and awfulness? How can we possibly prepare for it? Is there any way we can educate our kids to know what might happen to them and those they love?

 As a woman of faith (59 years now), I have the unutterable blessing of knowing I am not alone. That no matter what happens--and it can be damned dire--I am not walking by myself. God walks with me. If you are like Anne Lamott at all, you could do what she used to do while praying; ball up a bit of kleenex and hold it tightly in your hand, pretending it is Jesus' hand holding yours. Whatever works, right?

   When you suddenly find yourself in the "#screwed" country, there are things you can do, which I have found helpful in my awful life bits.

--Pray your ass off if you believe in prayer.  

Clearly, I do. You can pray to accept the thorny situation, to let it into your heart instead of holding it at arm's length. Try taking several very deep breaths and asking God to carry the hard time into your heart, held in her love, which does help. After the tears, after pounding the table with your fists, after throwing a plate through your plate glass window. (Yup, been there, did that.)

--Tell people what you are going through. Do not go it alone. We simply are not made to exist as individuals apart from community.Let people know what is going on with you. Post it on FB if you must, or on Instagram. Take a photo of your ravaged face and put it up on Insta for your friends to see. This is no time to be beautifying yourself. And if you belong to other communities, like a church, pass the news along to them as well. Ask to be put on their prayer lists. I was on two at one time, and it felt pretty damn fine.

--Find rituals which ground you and give you a sense that the "blessed" bit has not totally disappeared.

 It could be meeting a friend for coffee. It could be doing yoga on a YouTube site. Perhaps, if you are Catholic, saying the Sorrowful Mysteries on your Rosary will help, in spite of or because of your shed tears. Write a list of all the people who love you. Our beloved Fr. Gene asked me to do that once soon after I came into the church, and I came up with a list of 50 people. Definitely pushed me into the "blessed" side of the page. Recent research on how rituals soothe our neurology show that any kind of ritual--mine happens to be Catholic, but it can even be a daily schedule of getting out of bed, slipping your feet into warm slippers, and making strong coffee can soothe your nervous system.

--Look for people who have gone through some of the "screwed" events that you are now in. If it is cancer, you could join a cancer support group. There are many such on the internet and can be really helpful in giving you good suggestions and making you feel you are not alone. I am sure there are grief support groups in the internet as well, should you want to go there. If you have a dear one in your family who is suffering from mental illness and is in very poor shape, again--look for a support group. I found one on the internet which helped me big time in supporting a loved one during one of the hardest times in my adult life. 

 

--Find a therapist you like. Telehealth can be a good way to go with this. I, of course, spent decades in therapy reliving and living through what I saw as my betrayal of my Mom, as well as dealing with an alcoholic (but loving) father and early child molestation. If you see a therapist in person, remember to bring dark glasses for the aftermath and a good chunk of very dark, fine quality chocolate as a treat for sobbing and blowing your nose.

--Cuddle up with your honey and your pet(s) if you have them.  Research has shown that hugging someone for 20+ seconds makes a huge difference in your mood. Pair that with a warm pet on your couch and watching "Love Actually" or "The Way" for the 10th time. 

 

--Listen to some upbeat music and dance to it. Sing along too. I was just reading about Dick Van Dike's 100th birthday and how he begins each morning singing. Of course, he can dance superbly as well. Put on some 1970s Detroit music, dance around your living room, and believe me, you will begin to feel better.

  I am sure you have your own ways to deal with the "#screwed" parts of your life. You probably know what things work for you and what things do not. For me what helps me move from #screwed back to # blessed includes these things: prayer, friends, music, birds, reading Scripture, going to church, joining a support group, cooking, and getting out in nature. Just watching the pine trees sway in the wind as I pace our deck helps, as long as it is not 15 degrees with a strong wind!

   And given where we are now in our country, I have to acknowledge the fact that we have suddenly moved in a big way into the #screwed bit, as DT invades Venezuela, talks of invading Colombia and Cuba, and continues to ignore both the international rule of law as well as the domestic rule of law. I have no remedy for this, other than: contacting your GOP Congress people (where ARE they?), joining protests, giving money to Democratic and Independent candidates (assuming we will have elections in 2026 which is not at all a given), and giving help to all the marginalized folks in our communities with donated clothing and food. We do what we can to resist fascism and spread as much kindness as we can, hoping and praying that in time we will move back into the #blessed country.