MY OWN ODYSSEUS JOURNEY

 

   This is a time for journeys, trust me. As an 80 year-old broad and cancer survivor, I am definitely eyeing the end times of my life. But I'm not ready! I wail. I haven't written my book about Caravaggio yet!

I have 126 pages so far. I have invented a vampire from the 15th-century, contemporaneous with my favorite painter, Caravaggio. Vinnie was his name, Vincenzo. His Mom perished in a fire in their Venetian home, set by a candle she had lit in front of her statue of the Virgin Mary because--God, you should know!--Vinnie was Catholic. And vampires can only die in a fire, not by any other method.

 He also was always semi-erect, something I invented for Vinnie but those of you who write know that everything we put down in words then becomes fact for us. When I read chapters in our Writer's Group (Janey just died, bless her big heart!) people would assume these words were truth. They certainly FELT like truth to me. Also, Vinnie had to spray fake tan on his skin which was obviously the belly of a fish white. He married a human woman and somehow managed to keep his true nature from her. But more anon. This is making me want to get back to this novel, entitled, "The First Sound Is a Cry," a slight change from words in the book of Wisdom about birth, I believe.

  It also incorporated  my own sexual abuse as a six year-old, when Vinnie goes after another vampire-a female--who had abused and killed his own brother Bartolomew. Sheesh. But I wanted to write about our own Odyssean journeys as we age, having been inspired by C. Nolan's recent release of his film, "Odysseus." 

 

  What does my journey look like now? Short. I should say, SHORT. None of us knows how much time we have left, and I am not holding in my narrow hand a whole lot of years. But still...we make the way by walking. We want to move forward; we still want a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives. What does that mean for me?

   Part of this journey is my trying to learn more about God and know God better.  Assuming that is possible! So I have been reading books by the wonderful Anglican writer, N.T. Wright--a scholar, former Bishop of Durham, and author of over 40 books. I like him for his ease of writing, humor, use of metaphor, and deep knowledge of the Bible and 1st-century Palestine and Judaism. Try "Simply Christian" and "Simply Jesus." I find myself underlining many sentences in his books, which gives me a deeper knowledge of what he is saying.

 

  You may be thinking to yourself--How is Annie moving from a semi-erect vampire to writings about Jesus, but hey. This is my journey and I can include anything in it I wish. Within reason. Here are a few other things my journey forward contains:

--A ridiculous amount of gardening. I have 3 perennial flower beds which I try to keep on top of, with varying degrees of success. Digging over, putting in compost, and setting in new plants is a challenge for someone with balance issues. But I am doing it, as well as working on two vegetable gardens with raised beds.

 

--Joining the choir in our little UCC church nearby. Both Rick and I admitted that we missed singing and would like to give it a try. Before cancer, I was in the choir for a number of years and loved it. We shall see if my energy issues allow this, but it is good to try something new again.

 

--Having more people in for coffee and muffins or supper on the deck because I love feeding people and seeing them. Up here on our hill at our age it is way too easy to become isolated. Doing something new is paired in my mind with seeing more friends.

--Deepening my prayer life. I have always prayed since my conversion, but I am spending more time swimming in words, thoughts, and spirit as I lift people to God's attention. Also lifting myself, obviously, asking God things like: "Will there be birds in heaven?" He assured me there would be. A prayer I recently learned from N.T. Wright is one you can repeat over and over, like the Jesus prayer. It goes: "Holy Spirit, breath of the living God, renew me and all the world." I think given our violent politics and the terrible fires in Europe that renewal is called for.

 

--Making sure I am communicating and connected to family. It is so easy to let things slide, to forget to check in and ask, "How are you?" But given how few years are left to me, I want to make sure I am knit to my wider family. A cousin in Seattle has started a wonderful zoom meeting of the Gray "children". My grandma had three daughters, and two had four kids, my mom had three. So we had 11 cousins at one time, although two are now sadly deceased. Sharing memories of our grandparents, our growing up, and where we are in our lives is joyful and part of the journey forward.

 

--Learning to savor the small moments. As you may know, God talks to me from time to time (as she does to everyone if they can only hear), and early in this Spring, as I worried about Trump and his ravaging of our country, I received two messages, always phrased as thoughts not heard. One was: "Don't let him steal your peace." The second was: "Savor the small moments." So I am trying to follow both messages.

--Today's small moments included these things: Taking our Rough Coat Jack Russell out for a short walk around the back of our house. She is always so amiable, loving to sniff and investigate the land. Making GF foccacia to go with the turkey patties in low-FM spicy sauce, with a kale from the garden massaged salad. I throw in fresh lemon juice, feta, and bits of preserved lemon. Cooking and eating are definitely part of my journey!

--Loving my husband more. With 59 years of marriage behind us, you would think that there was nothing new to learn about Rick. Not true. I still find things I did not know about his childhood (chaotic and at times abusive), what he did in college, and how his mind works. 

  Those are the crucial bits, although trying to get this house in the best stage possible in order to sell it at a profit for our kids is another piece of the journey. But that is a "have to" and not so much a "want to" about these last years. I am grateful that I have some years to look forward to, God willing. I am grateful to still be upright, moving around, and living joyfully. I am grateful for faith and love.