TRADWIFE THROWS IN THE TOWEL!

 

    I managed to complete 5 days of being a TradWife before I collapsed from exhaustion. Here are a few of the things I did before throwing in the towel.

DAY 2:

--Did 30 min. of housework, scrubbing big German sink in kitchen, sweeping kitchen, cleaning bathroom and the Netflix room, tidying the bed out there and vacuuming.

--Sat on deck in the sunshine just enjoying being in the present, listening to bird songs and looking at my Merlin App to identify them. I wonder if having a firm gender role in some cases helps one to live more in the present? I did feel happier this day.

 

--Exercised 60 min. of brisk walking and took dog up the road as TWs are meant to look "womanly" and fit.

--Prepped supper and connected with friends via email and phone. 

DAY 3:

--Organized clothing and drawers while admitting guiltily that I have far too many clothes. I expect a TW would keep a budget and track food, clothing, taxes, doc appointments, and more.

 

--Dug up good soil in bigger garden to fill one of the larger raised beds up to the top. Lots of mint roots to pull out, and my butt and arms were quite sore at the end.

 

--I mixed vinegar and Dawn soap in a bucket to scrub off the darn bird poop on our deck. We adore our birds, but they make one hell of a mess. Even with scrubbing, a film of white remained in places.

--I was too pooped to cook so had oatmeal and fruit for supper. I expect a TW might have pushed herself to cook supper. I could not. 

DAY 4 & 5: 

--Worked in raised perennial bed, pulling up ravaged old weed suppressing fabric and throwing it over the edges. Butt getting a serious work out.

--Made beds, vacuumed, unstacked dishwasher, dusted, and prepped supper for our younger son coming to the feast of marinated chicken and veggies to grill on our gas stove top.

--Visiting with our son was a delight, sharing health issues, food, crazy politics, and more.  A la Famille! So, what have I learned?

ON THE PLUS SIDE:

--I see how women who want a sense of purpose in their lives could find it in this role. It gives shape to one's day and life. You can meet the expectations of keeping a house clean and organized, cooking good meals from scratch, and if there are kids, managing them. Although knowing what it was like to parent young kids, I suspect some TW may harbor some anger at "doing it all."

--There is something calming and peaceful about knowing what is coming next: breakfast, dog, housework, exercising, prepping supper, making beds, and if gardening is an option, that gives a sense of purpose esp. now with groceries being so expensive.

--As a TW, you do not have to worry about having a career, earning money, or being out in the world being a success. I see how this might be attractive to some women. The home and family are your career.

ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE:

--Being a TW is damn exhausting. The work never ends. You do not get to go home at the end of a job and crash, although given how women do most of the cooking and housework, crashing is probably not an option.

 

--It seems very insular to me. You are not reaching out to the wider world to be more involved as the home and family make up much of your world, although I see that many TWs are part of churches and faith communities. 

--Patriarchy rears its ugly head with this movement. There is an understood belief that men are more superior, that they need to be supported by said wife, that going up against the husband in any matters might not happen. What happens to your opinions? Where is your agency?

 

--What talents and skills of women might not be supported in the TW way of living? I think of all the brilliant, talented women I know and how that brilliance might be dimmed and never explored given the confines of this role.

--Unfortunately, Evangelical Religion seems to be intertwined with this movement, supporting strictly defined gender roles and expectations. And this way of living may encourage men to be somewhat contemptuous of their wives instead of supportive and appreciative. 

 

   In contrast, I have been blessed with a husband who has always encouraged my writing and work out in the world. I have been lucky to work from home as a professional writer for decades, even having a babysitter come in for 16 hours a week so I could work. Even when Ben was 3 weeks old, I strapped him in a snuggly, sat at my computer, and worked on a book. I could also breastfeed my babies with this arrangement.

   What things have I put into my life now that being a TW (which I never was!) is done? I do far more housework than I did before. I clean up as I go along, putting things away, wiping counters down, organizing my fridge, making lists of food to make, and keeping my clothes tidier, also vacuuming and swiftering the floors. I did much of this before, but now I am serious about it! 

   I think it is possible to take some of the good parts of this role while still keeping my agency and work. But it all means being in a loving relationship with my husband who sees me as an equal and also in need of being loved and appreciated. I have been lucky!