WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR FRIEND AWAITS BAD NEWS

 

    So once again, this ageing and once beautiful broad is awaiting bad health news. A CAT scan two weeks back revealed a 4 centimeter "solid mass" on the outside of my lower colon. In my recent colonoscopy, my great female GI doc said she could not biopsy it as it was on the outside of the colon. So now I await an appointment for a "surgical biopsy" which will tell us: if it is cancerous, what type it is, what grade and class, and what treatment options are available to me. Not good.

 

  How am I dealing with this? I am continuing to observe my daily routine which upholds me and which was detailed in my recent blog, "The Solace of Everyday Life." I also am cooking my ass off, delighting in the recipes I get from my subscription to the site, "A Little Bit Yummy". Many are vegetarian, often eschew dairy, and use GF pasta and flour. They all are delicious which helps to feed me and my darling husband who is doing ok this time, so far.

 

  Seeing as I am once again swimming in the shark-infested waters, there are a few things I want to suggest to my readers who may also have other friends who are dealing with dire and scary health news.

1/ Please do not tell your friends, when they share dire health news, that it is "mind over matter" and the mass could then be a cyst and not a tumor. This is not only not helpful, it make me so damn angry. It obviates what I am going through and undercuts the reality based courage I will need for the days ahead.

 

2/ Do not tell your friend any bad news about other family or friends who you may have. I, and others, are dealing with our own pain and seriously cannot listen to any one else's right now.

3/ Do come for short visits. Bring some fresh peaches from a nearby orchard, blueberries, or whatever is ripening as some dear friends did yesterday. A short visit with some laughter and sympathy is just what we all need right now.

 

4/ Do ask how you can be helpful as in: Can I bring you a meal this week? Could I walk your dog for you? Do you need me to pick up groceries for you? Some dearly beloved neighbors down the street have done this. And know that we are kind of doing ok, but once someone hugs me, I will probably burst into tears. Wear a wet suit when you come to visit.

 

5/ If you cannot say, "I am praying for you," (and I get it, not all of us are believers), you could say, "I am thinking about you and sending healing thoughts." People at church tell me, "You are in God's hands, she is holding you close in loving arms," which is basically what I need to hear right now. Not everyone can say that.

6/ Show up. Don't tell me you are thinking of me. Come visit. Bring some food. Do something concrete. Words basically do not do it for me right now; something practical does. My youngest son, up for a visit yesterday, informed us that he has "family health leave" so if things get really rough up here on our hill, he can come up to offer some care. Now THAT is practical advice! 

 

7/ Send poems you think I might like, also recipes. I adore poetry, have written it for many years, and find poetry another one of the life-sustaining props during this scary time.

I think that is it for now. Just know that when we--meaning me--are awaiting bad health news, we need practical and loving help. We cannot hear about bad news as we await our own hard news. If you don't know what to say, just honestly offer, "I don't know what to say. I am so sorry you are going through this again."

 And just so ya know, if I have to do chemo a second time, this ageing broad is NOT going to dye her hair ever again. Gonna do the silver fox hairdo. Cheers my peeps; don't read too much news; remember to read "Three Men In a Boat" to make you laugh and watch again, "Love Actually" for the heart-warming opening scene in the airport where relatives and friends hug each other with cries of joy. May that be our time too.